Wednesday, February 12, 2014
I've been trying to keep my head above water. My mother's mental illness, that she refuses to acknowledge, has escalated. I say she is sociopathic or at the very least has sociopathic tendencies. I can not take it anymore. I have decided to cut off contact with her. I have done this more than once before, but her behavior has never been this out of control. On her own I don't think she will cause anyone any harm. However, she can manipulate a like minded person to do something she does not want to then... I hope that never happens.
There is nothing I can do. I've tried everything . I've put up with her abuse, her manipulations, her lies, her stealing, craziness and drama since I was a child. I'm tired of taking care of her. She is well aware of her actions and functions just like every one else in society. She's had the same employer for over 25 years.
This mess has had a horrible effect on my health. I've been struggling to workout physically because of pain that seems to lead to a fight with emotional pain. The things that would have helped this pain I FAILED TO DO OUT OF LAZINESS. Yoga and meditation. I let myself get stuck in this mental rut. At one point I was going to drop out of the Winter Challenge. Today I just had to fight through the pain and do a complete workout. Stewing in the situation isn't going to make me feel better I need to take action. I take responsibility for my inaction. I apologize to my team mates for not working harder the last couple of weeks. I could have been racking up workout minutes with yoga instead of laying on the couch wishing for pain to go away.