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Wednesday, February 12, 2014

I've been trying to keep my head above water. My mother's mental illness, that she refuses to acknowledge, has escalated. I say she is sociopathic or at the very least has sociopathic tendencies. I can not take it anymore. I have decided to cut off contact with her. I have done this more than once before, but her behavior has never been this out of control. On her own I don't think she will cause anyone any harm. However, she can manipulate a like minded person to do something she does not want to then... I hope that never happens.

There is nothing I can do. I've tried everything . I've put up with her abuse, her manipulations, her lies, her stealing, craziness and drama since I was a child. I'm tired of taking care of her. She is well aware of her actions and functions just like every one else in society. She's had the same employer for over 25 years.

This mess has had a horrible effect on my health. I've been struggling to workout physically because of pain that seems to lead to a fight with emotional pain. The things that would have helped this pain I FAILED TO DO OUT OF LAZINESS. Yoga and meditation. I let myself get stuck in this mental rut. At one point I was going to drop out of the Winter Challenge. Today I just had to fight through the pain and do a complete workout. Stewing in the situation isn't going to make me feel better I need to take action. I take responsibility for my inaction. I apologize to my team mates for not working harder the last couple of weeks. I could have been racking up workout minutes with yoga instead of laying on the couch wishing for pain to go away.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    emoticon I am so glad you didn't drop out of the winter challenge. You are stronger than you think. You will get through this. Lifting you in prayer for peace. Focus on you. You are important. Don't beat yourself up anymore about letting down the team or what you should've or could've done. Get on with your life. Take care of yourself. You need to take care and put yourself first for a change. Your health is something you need to take care of and I know you will. Baby steps, gf, One day at a time. Stay strong.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2642 days ago
    Sending emoticon and hoping your meditation and yoga will bring you some peace.
    2644 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/13/2014 8:53:23 AM
    I'm so sorry about your mom. We have mentally ill people in our family too so I can relate. It can be a total nightmare. emoticon
    2645 days ago
    I hope things get better soon for you! I'm thinking of you and sending positive vibes your way. I can tell you are determined - stay strong!
    2645 days ago
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