I wrote a blog entry yesterday.... and forgot to post it. Decided not to post it, don't want to do two posts in one day unless I have a reason for it.
Today Spark Coach talked about NEAT, I can't remember exactly what it stands for but basically non-exercise activity. Yeah, I don't do a whole bunch of that. I'm lazy, I sit a lot of my day. I'm trying to change that. I used to be a very active person and could not sit for too long because my legs would get restless. Now, I could sit all day and be fine. One thing I had done before was set my alarm clock for 45 minutes and then I would get up and walk around the house and do some exercises and stretching. I think I'll start that again today. I know that when I cleaned my DD's room (it was a disaster) and it took an hour and 30 minutes, I was sweating just from that little exertion. Part of that is that one of my medications makes me sweat easily, part of it is because I'm just that out of shape.
I wish there was a magic wand I could wave over myself and make me be in shape again. But there isn't. The only way to do this is the hard way, to take the long road, otherwise it will all come back to me. Sure I could take energy pills, but then as soon as I stopped taking them I would gain all the weight back. No, I want to do this right. Through hard work and patience. I can and will lose this weight and get in shape.
Had fast food yesterday
But, it was one of those, 'we don't have anything in the house that won't take over an hour to eat and lunch time was two hours ago and I still have errands to run' kind of things. Needed to eat and feed the girls. So I don't feel bad about it, I am a little upset that I ate the fries, but I was hungry, and so I'm okay with it. I'll plan better next time.
I am deserving. That is one thing I'm trying to work on in therapy as we discover what untruths I believe about myself. For many reasons that are not true, I believe I'm undeserving. Undeserving of taking care of myself, having nice clothes, a nice body, nice things, things that I want... just anything. For goodness sake I only have one pair of jeans that I can wear out! I am a chosen daughter of God, adopted daughter of the King. I am not worthless because He determines my worth, not me, not any other person! I need to start feeling this and truly believing it. I am deserving!
First time I wrote that down in my journal, that I am a chosen daughter of the King and am deserving because He gives me worth, I just about started crying in the restaurant I was in! (I go out to lunch and journal right after therapy).
I can lose this weight, I deserve to lose this weight and be in shape and look and feel great again. I am going to stick to my guns and get it done this time. This is THE time, the time that I make it happen.
64 oz of Water: