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Patterns Emerge

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

So the novelty is wearing off and we're hitting the point where I remember why this is difficult. Eating healthy food isn't a problem - with all the allergies in my household, eating isn't something we take for granted. So this is just another layer of thinking about food.

But the thing about change is that it requires - well, changing. And if that was easy I'd have done it already. As it turns out, there are reasons that I've developed habits of neglecting myself. It's easier.

It's hard to get out of my warm bed in the morning when I haven't had enough sleep. (8 hrs is my primary goal at the moment, and I've made good progress, with a solid 7 most nights) Exercise takes time, and my schedule is a train wreck. (which, incidentally, we got to see today. An actual derailment) Scheduling time for exercise and me-time means that I have to be able to rely on my family to honor their end of the schedule; I have to have boundaries, routines, predictability.

And that stuff isn't happening yet. It's important, but it's hard. Not just in practical ways, but emotionally. It hurts to realize that the important relationships in your life don't make room for your needs. That you have to fight to establish simple routines, make simple requests. And there are difficult choices to make.

So it feels a little bit like paddling upstream. The good news is that I used to be a whitewater kayaker. I've paddled upstream. I know it can be done! (Certainly, it requires strength, but the secret is in how you angle your boat relative to the current. And how you hold your head relative to your big toe. With practice, it becomes instinctive. Then, you just dig in and, one stroke at a time, you persist. You just exert slow and steady pressure and you get there soon enough!)

I've been tracking my food and a pattern has emerged. I haven't been eating nearly as much as I thought. Many days, I am arriving at the end of the day and finding that I am seriously deficient in calories, which totally explains why I've developed carb cravings that hit HARD every 3 days or so. Because of allergies and some tummy upset, I don't feel hungry. So my body just doesn't get enough nutrition. Add in some malabsorption, and I start having cravings. Eventually, I eat something sugary, and the roller coaster begins.

I haven't quite figured out what to DO next, but I see the pattern and I know where I need to start tweaking. And that's good news. Knowledge is power, right?

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I've been in severe adrenal fatigue, along with stress eating and a candida infestation. I decided to start a candidacleanse on Monday, and I already felt much better on Tuesday, even better yesterday, and imagine the same for today. But my main point in this is that it's really helped to curb my carb cravings! As in unbelievably helped. Just a thought...
    2244 days ago
    Eventually your family will catch up to the new--and ever improving--you! In the meantime, it can be emotionally and physically draining trying to get something you need from people you would expect to be happy to give it to you. If you can, as much as possilbe, let it go. Keep that abundance of emotion to power your own change.

    Loved your analogy with whitewater kayaking. Many good lessons there.

    I've had that experience a few times of feeling frightened I was returning to my previous state of unbridled sugar addiction when I experienced a heightened lust for carbs that felt unquenchable unless doused with cookies or ice cream. Each time I made myself eat healthy foods--a few times a 1000 calories of healthy foods(!)--and the cravings went away. When I went to track my food for the day, I saw that I had only eaten a few hundred calories earlier in the day. My fear I was bingeing was just my body responding to hunger cues!
    2244 days ago
    Oh for sure Jellybean, you madaam are on the right track. Recognizing a problem is the first part of finding a solution. You have to be an investigator. Research has been key for me. Learning how my body reacts to different stimuli is very important. I know how hard it is to make me time. And I know you realize that it is imperitaive to your success. Now, to just retrain your family! That's a challenge but it can be done. Keep up the good work! One step at a time we will get there and keep smiling, it burns more calories!!!!
    2244 days ago
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