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Friday, June 12, 2015


What are shattered dreams?
These are goals that have not been attained.
Setting goals is the easy part it’s the achievement of them that is difficult, especially if it requires another person’s help.

I have two dreams that have been completely shattered.
One is ever having children. This requires two people to achieve this particular goal. I was the one who finally decided enough treatment was enough and accepted this fact. However, the more I think about it, there were certain things done and said at the time that I didn’t catch. None the less, I made the decision to stop treatments and accept the fact. This took a long time to accept.

The other is getting a classic car from my father, which he has been holding onto for me until we rebuild our shop.
Last night as we were talking and I was trying to get your input as to how we are to start. I realized that you really don’t want to do any of it otherwise you would find a way to make it happen.
I kept trying to come up with a plan and I kept getting shot down and it didn’t matter what I said.

I woke up hurt and angry this morning because these two dreams do require another person’s help in making them come true. Now I have to accept the fact these two will never ever come true for me. Two things I have wanted more than anything else will NEVER EVER happen.

Acceptance of this is hard. This morning realizing this has cut through me like a knife. If I could release the pain I feel in some way I would. My heart is shattered and tears have been falling knowing that these two dreams happen to require another person’s involvement.

What is one to do? One is to only set goals that I can attain myself that doesn’t require someone else’s decision into making it come true. For instance my weight-loss, my schooling, and preparing meals. These three at least don’t require a lot from other people.

I am realizing that setting goals that may require someone else’s help isn’t worth it to me anymore. There’s too much pain involved when it doesn’t happen.

So, I now have it fueling my fire and motivation to just do what I need to and control only what I can control. Only set goals that I can attain on my own.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    emoticon Thinking of you...my husband and I were just talking about all those struggles years ago...you never forget. That is why we had our two doggie babies...oh boy...did we spoil them so!

    2173 days ago
    ugh...do I understand the frustration of infertility. Yes, I have children now but I could never ever ever forget the pain of those empty 8 years...it was terrible. yes, we did the testing and the clomid...nothing. Each month was terrible and I truly struggled.

    My two dogs were my kids. My Katie (yellow lab) was my baby and I still miss her snuggles today. It is very hard to move past something you want so much. I am here if you want to vent.

    They never did find out what was wrong with me....

    I as 38 when I had Nason and 44 with Madeline...you are younger...so you never do know. I have no explanation for their presence other than a religious one. Hang tough Shorey...and doggie hugs all around!
    2194 days ago
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