Another Brick In The Path of The Journey
Saturday, August 15, 2015
So for a while I have been more gone than here. I got caught up for a week or so on an online game. Since then I have just not been into doing the whole SparkPeople "thing". I know how much I get from reading your daily activities and blogs. However, I am just in a rut right now that for some reason it all seems like too much effort. I have been doing most things with minimal effort. I miss you all. I think of you often. Often my voice isn't enough. I say "i don't care" or "i don't want to" when the inner voice talks about the correct things to do or think. The great thing is through out the day/week each of you will pop into my mind for a different situation. Something you have said in one of your blogs, something I have learned from your journey. Those voices make me get up and work out or stop abusing myself with words or food. I am very fortunate to have you all.
I have been trying to keep active, do my cardio, and get outside amap (as much as possible). I always make sure it is about me enjoying the activity/work out I choose. I don't ever want to go back to "I have to".
Lately, I have been struggling with my decision of not eating wheat. It seems like it takes too much energy. Pick the write products, read labels, and making meals from scratch. I found I was missing all the foods I used to eat. I got into the midst of forgetting or truly not knowing what I was doing. I am still eating breads and carbs. The only difference is the grains are corn and rice rather than wheat. I had even started eating potato chips. No wheat. LOL. Not good, I had slipped into processed foods. I started getting confused. I was wondering if I was using the no wheat "rule" incorrectly. I know I want to avoid eating highly processed as well as junky sweet treats. It is a great way to stay away from these foods. It seemed I was doing it the wrong way somehow. Yes, my processed foods, simple carbs, and sweets have gone down. However, I was still eating processed foods.
In the midst of the confusion and some other stressful things messing with my head I chowed down 2 oreos right before bed the other night. The ones on the back of the fridge b/c they have HFCS. (Out of sight of myself and my daughter.) We bought them, noticed the HFCS, tasted one then hid them. My honey eats them. I digress..
So I ate the oreos. The next evening I was looking for dinner and I decided to bring wheat products back into the mix. I was excited. However, I wanted to keep my head. Breaded jalapeno poppers, breaded honey glazed chicken tenders, bagels egg sandwiches... Turns out the foods I went to eat weren't worth the calories or other ingredients. This was the first thing that reinforced my initial decision against wheat containing foods. The next morning I decided on an old favorite breakfast of an english muffin with brie. It was delicious. Then by the end of the day the second reinforcement came, my body's reaction. The mood swings, irritability, fatigue, and cravings. Most likely from the sugar breakdown of the simple carbs. The bloat was back. Now I remembered. Now I knew why I had made the changes I had made. So with this confirmation I was clear about my decision. I had figured out that part of the puzzle. Next, I had to think about the newly arrived chips and processed foods. Moderation needed to be the key. No restriction or deprivation. Making decisions based on what I know about my body and what makes me feel good vs tired, moody, and unmotivated. Watching carefully for the signs of eating from depression, stress, boredom, and fatigue.
These are the same blocks used during weight loss. It is important to remember they don't stop when the weight is lost. They are new patterns and habits for a lifetime. I have to believe and trust in them for them to stick. Sometimes there are going to be backtracks. Sometimes I am going to forget the whys. It is a constant journey. One step at a time.
Thank you for reading my blog, for your support, and sharing your journeys.
We will walk together.