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A new week

Sunday, October 09, 2016

Feeling great following nearly a week back on the road and getting back to exercising. Feels amazing to be doing things with DH. Helping him with cardio, keeping him on track with nutrition and hydrated. It's crazy how fast the weight initial drops. He tried on some jeans last night which was super cool because he was able to put on a size 44 with no problems and they fight beautifully. The 42s not so much, lol, they fit but c couldn't be buttoned but that's huge progress already from a size 50. Enough about him, lol. I've been struggling off and on for a few years now over the events of 3 years ago. While I do not reject changing carers, I struggle to let go of the subsequent events. I felt like such a failure having to have my kids move out and file for state assistance to get a place for themselves. Yes, we all survived. We're all healthy and they're moving 0 forward in their lives and we have good relationships but I can't shake the feelings of guilt. Never in all my years as a single mom we never faced homelessness but that year we did. I keep praying for help and guidance to move past this and know that much of this is simply in my head but until I can let it go I'm not sure how successful I'll be in my journey. Being plagued by guilt which can make it hard to keep on with my clean eating since I'm am emotional eater. I will do it. I'm determinated to because I'm worth it. i deserve it. I love myself enough to do this.
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    We, as Moms, feel like we can always fix everything. I personally have not faced what you are, but my kids are, and have had to apply for public assistance for now. There are just some things in our lives that we CANNOT control ............ and even the things we feel we can sometimes do not go as we thought they would. Things are put in our paths for reasons that we sometimes cannot see until we are way past them and have come out on the other side. Guilt, as I finally learned, is very wasted energy. You cannot go back and "fix" anything anymore than you could "fix" it then. Your guilt will not change a thing..........and it only serves to bring you down and undermine your efforts. You ARE worth all this......every last thing..........and you are WORTH letting go of the guilt............of the baggage that you are carrying that is weighing you down. You don't deserve to do this to yourself. Please...........look at that lady in the mirror and know that you have done the best you can given all the circumstances of your life. That is all ANY of us can do. (((((((((HUGS)))))))).
    1709 days ago
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