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I use to regret, now I'm thankful

Thursday, December 08, 2016

It's easy to look at all the things we did wrong and never look at all the good. As Confucius once said "EVERYTHING HAS BEAUTY, BUT NOT EVERYONE SEES IT." This use to be true for myself!

As I ponder on all the days lost because I was having pity parties because I made the wrong choice not only in food, but in life. I'll share some of those mistakes: I had braces when I was in middle school. My teeth were beautiful and white and straight. At the age of 21, my first boyfriend broke up with me and I just let myself go. I stopped wearing my retainer, I lost it actually. I even stopped taking care of myself hygienically. Now, that I'm 29, I still have straight teeth or so so, but they are yellow. I use to dwell on this so much. How do people see my smile? I can't believe Ididn't take care of my teeth. It even looks like I have a space in the front. Pure, nonsense thoughts.
I even have people compliment me on my teeth. I didn't see that their is beauty here.

Another one of the biggest mistakes for me is letting a bf take control of my thoughts and mind. I remember when I lost weight and weighed 150. I was happy, yes, I wasn't where I wanted to be, but at least I lost weight. Then I let this guy have so much power over me. I was 26 at the time and he was my second bf. I waited a long time before I decided to give anyone a chance. He even deceived me and told me we would get married. I was shattered when I found out he lied. I let him go, but it hurt. And I really let myself go then. The heaviest I weighed before this was 155 and in a few months I weighed 192.2 lbs. I was depressed. I let food be my coping mechanism. I sought help from Pastors so they could help me get my thoughts straight because I new I was not thinking logically. I was an emotional mess. However, they didn't listen only prayed for me and gave me scripture. I knew I needed more help than this, I was a mess! This just happened Dec. of last year. 2015.
Now, that it's been a year, I think back and Thank God because I had really low-self-esteem. I was very insecure and had so much fear inside. I was scared of everything, what people thought of me, etc. I no longer have this, but I had to learn through this experience that I couldn't let anyone belittle me or have so much power over me again. Out of this chapter in my life, God led me to a sister in a church I attended, she became a source of refuge and guidance. And now we have a great friendship. Although, I made a mistake their was beauty because I gained a friend.

I'll admit, I used to feel very dumb for letting all the above and other very naive and dum choices I made in life affect me so much. Now, that time has passed and I have had a chance to see a different perspective. What I use to regret, is what has shaped me in life to be who I am. By no means am I where I want to be in life: finances, education, job, or health and spiritual wise. However, I can say that I have progressed. I am enjoying my life. It took me 29 years. (My age) lol, but it's never too late to become what you want. Life is good! Life is good!
I want to end this blog post with some words from a youtube video I watched:
It's what you can let go of that determines how high you can fly.
How do you see yourself?
Love yourself 100%
you are amazing, remember that!
life is everywhere
stop being egocentrical. (this was so me, back then. )lol
we are not in this world to meet everyones expectations.

Let's make today the best day of the rest of our lives.
Hope everyone has a great day, week!
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