Thursday, December 22, 2016
As the year ends, I am excited to begin the new year on a better note. I gained 30 pounds in 2016 and over the course of the year, I spent a lot of months not tracking my food and eating whatever was convenient and available, and this led to a lot of binge eating. And not tracking my food got me off track to the point where I wasn't exercising anymore either. I stopped using my Fitbit and logging onto Spark, too. Things would get busy or stressful and it would just start with not tracking my food and things would spiral from there, and I'd gain another ten pounds. I'd get back on track for a while, but then things would get stressful again and I'd lose track of everything. So as the year went by, even though a few times I would lose as much as ten pounds, I ended up gaining 30 pounds overall and the year seemed to slip away from me. But as the year is ending, I find myself getting to a really organized point, a sort of turn-around. I've been reading a lot of books that address binging and overeating, and I've gotten really organized about planning and tracking my meals and have realized that because my basic personality is that I am an introvert, careful planner, and analytical, I need to plan and organize all of my meals and snacks and track them every day if I want to be successful. Whenever I "improvise", I end up binging or otherwise getting off track, but when I sit down at the beginning of the day and plan out everything I'm going to eat, track it all, know how many calories I'm going to need to burn that day, and if I've decided what I'm going to eat for the day and my grandma buys treats and brings them home, I'm 99% more likely to ignore them and stick to my plan if I have already decided what I am going to eat that day. When I improvise my meals, I'll almost always eat anything that I see that looks good. Being successful in the new year is mostly going to come down to just planning, tracking, and getting in some bursts of exercise every day. I got the new Fitbit Charge 2 and it's fantastic, a wonderful upgrade from the Charge HR. I love the reminders to move! And along with having a good meal plan and moving more, the other important thing is going to be no binges! I have learned pretty much everything there is to know about binge eating and have the preparedness for when the urge strikes, to be able to dismiss it, and I feel as though I have begun to change my behaviour in a meaningful way. I don't feel as though I *have* to binge anymore, I feel like I can be in control and that the insight I needed to have clicked for me. I'm actually excited about losing the 50 pounds that I need to lose this coming year. I feel like I am starting over, but from a lower starting point, so I don't have as far to go. As far as the BMI chart goes, I'm on the high end of overweight--almost obese again and I refuse to go back to being obese. So from this point, I'm committed to losing these 50 pounds in 2017 and getting to a healthy BMI. I've been doing well so far this week and I have the tools now that I need to be successful: I got the new Fitbit, I got a Chromebook so I can use my Fitbit dashboard and Spark (my old PC was on its deathbed), and I have a new planner for 2017--all I really need now is to get some new sneakers but hopefully I will get some soon. Last year Christmas was tough for me but this year I feel a lot more prepared for it and I don't think I'll get as depressed as I did last year, although it seems strange because last year I was 160 pounds at Christmas, you'd think I would've been in a great mood! Funny how that works, now I'm up around 190 and I'm in a much better mood this year, although wishing my jeans fit. I got a calendar yesterday and plotted out a plan for weight loss in the new year, so I feel pretty serious about things. I'm going to try to weigh just once a week, on Sundays, although that's hard for me because I like to weigh every day. But I'll have to figure out what works best for me. I don't think weight loss is going to be too much of a struggle if I follow my plan and stay motivated and just remember what works and what gets me off track. All throughout the year, I really struggled, felt like trying to fight the regain was such a battle, and that even when I'd take off ten pounds, I really had to fight for it--and then I'd gain the ten pounds back plus more! As the year went by I felt like binge eating was overwhelming me and that I was out of control with food and as I would gain more weight, it felt harder to get back on track again. There was a point where I felt like I didn't even know what to do to lose the weight and I felt pretty lost about the whole thing. But I don't feel that way anymore. I feel in control with food now and I look at binge eating in a different way. It doesn't overwhelm me and it can't overwhelm me--not ever again. Getting back on track seems simple and it makes sense--I know exactly what to do and how to do it. I know how to lose the weight and I know each and every step I'm going to take to get me to where I want to be in the new year--and more than that, I'm feeling positive and motivated about getting there. Throughout 2016 when I was feeling controlled by food, I often felt obsessed with food, to the point where if I saw something that looked good, I could not stop thinking about it until I ate it--a lot of it. Now I can see something that might tempt me, can even have the thought, "Yes, I'd like some of that," and yet still *choose* not to have it and not feel deprived at all. And I can eat according to a plan without overeating or binging and feel satisfied and happy and know that I'm in control. Throughout the year I often felt like even if I was on track, it was hard to keep myself on track because I couldn't control the binging. And I'm just starting to see things in a totally new way, so it makes sense that I am beginning to experience things in a totally new way and I expect 2017 to be totally different. And if I don't have to binge anymore, and if I can follow the meal plans I set out for myself and continue to track, I have every reason to succeed.