What I have learned in a year
Monday, January 07, 2019
I joined Spark People one week ago. I weighed 354 pounds when I started. My heaviest weight was 376.7 I have been up and down. My body has had it's years of abuse since I was a child. I am finally realizing that I need to take better care of myself. I want my joints to stop hurting, want to move better, not be out of breath, be able to do fun activities with my man, fit into chairs and amusement park rides. I am tired of feeling like a shut in. My weight has made me depressed, tired, lazy and on pre diabetic and high blood pressure medicines. I am a compulsive eater, feel unattractive, discussed with myself and friendless. I am a prisoner in this body screaming to get out. I have to lose to save myself. I am on my way, but it is a bumpy road. Yesterday I ordered a treadmill to start exercising. Any motivational inspirations will be appreciated. Thank you.
That was what I wrote last year in February when I started Spark People and this is what I have learned since then..
I can see where it would take a person 2 -5 years to get rid of their old habits and get on with healthy habits. It is all about repetition. Changing the way I think. You would think by my age, I would have learned a thing or two by now. I believe it is also about how badly you want to change. I have to keep believing in myself and that these are the goals I want. I need to NOT give into temptation. Do NOT reward myself with food rewards. I just have to think how great I feel as the weight and inches reduce and that I look better than I have in many years. I need to be proud of myself for the effort that I have done. Everyone on this site is proud of those who have mastered the art of losing weight and exercising and I have to be the one people they are proud of. I just need to chip away at my outer shell, so the real person inside that I want to be can come out and say I did It. I have to have the willpower and bravery to better myself.
The holidays brought out my evil temptation mind. Making holiday cookies and candy because it is Christmas time. Why do we have to eat so much at that time of year? I guess it is all how we were brought up. Clean your plate. Eat high fat and carb meals because it is cheaper and it fills you up quicker. I have to forget my past experiences and forgive myself and others for the habits that I have been programmed to follow. I have learned that I have to look out for myself and not make sweets because I do not have the will power to stay out of them or taste testing as I am making them. I try to make things for others and I end up sabotaging myself. Like the articles that I have read, I have to be selfish for my own sake.
I need to get my proper sleep so I do not make myself get upset easily and start eating mindlessly. I have to control my emotions. I need to use that treadmill that I bought and not let the dust collect on it.
I really think I am going to rock this new year. I have faith that I will have lots of power to say NO. The more that I say no, the stronger I will get. I will tell those that mean well, but do not understand, that I need their help with my journey. I do not need their temptations until I have the the will power to always say no .
Losing over 60 pounds since my heaviest weight has made me feel better. My joints have stopped hurting so much, I can move better, I am not out of breath all the time with activity, I am able to do some fun activities with my fiance and I can fit into chairs better. I am not as depressed, tired and lazy and my doctor has said my blood sugar level is in a healthy range now. I am trying hard not to be a compulsive eater. When I wear something that was busting at the seams or a new outfit that is a smaller size it makes me feel proud, energetic and happier than I have been in years. I feel pretty again and I am taking better care of myself.
It is so nice when people notice that I have lost weight and they can see how much happier I am. My fiance told me yesterday, that he is getting his woman back again. He is really proud of how far I have come so far.
Having my Spark Friends has given me inspiration, support and friendship. There are members that I can say that I love. They have given me words of wisdom and I have given them inspiration to better themselves as well. Without them, I would not have gotten this far. I wish all the best for all Spark members as we continue on our healthy journeys. Make this year the best that you can be.