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Day 72: A Spell of Depression

Friday, January 18, 2019

I was off of Spark for almost a week! Well, I wouldn't have been gone so long but my internet was down for a bit when I tried to post my last blog entry so I have to write a new one. I had a spell of depression that lasted 4 days where I just didn't want to do anything, my broken toe and ankle were hurting and so I rested them, and I had tried all of my usual coping mechanisms for negative thoughts/emotions and they just weren't working so I had to rely on my last resort which is doing nothing and watching television for a few days. There was nothing in particular that had me depressed, it was just a shift in mood, and I felt very angry/upset and was just not in the mood to exercise or Spark or to eat really healthy food, although I did eat some veggies and fruit. I felt better yesterday and started pulling things back together, did an arm workout and realized that 5 lb weights seem like they're not really all that heavy anymore so I Should probably use 7 lb weights all the time (I was only using them for some workouts before) and I felt strong, didn't feel like I had lost a lot of fitness from missing a few days of exercise. Still felt on course with my goals. I went grocery shopping yesterday, too, and got a bunch of healthy food to help me make good nutrition decisions. I am thinking about my nutrition and exercise goals right now and trying to figure out where I'm going to go from here. I want to pick up right where I left off as this is one continuous journey, I definitely don't want to feel like I'm starting over, but I feel like I need to kind of take a look at my goals again at this point. Here are the things that are important to me:

Nutrition: Eat 5 fruits/veg per day and drink at least 9 glasses of water daily
Exercise: Do 10 minutes of exercise 6 x per week, a different video daily
Meditation: Meditate 25 minutes per day and read the dhamma for 5-10 minutes
Be Smoke-Free x7 days a week

These are good small goals to start with and we'll see how I go from here. My aunt told me today how good I looked and I told her that I have been working out, she said she could tell. I do feel like my efforts have made a difference!! I am slowly getting back on track and spiraling back up and before I know it I will be right back where I was before and beyond it. I'm not going to despair about setbacks, I know setbacks are meaningless. And tbh the whole reason I am doing this is to create better healthier habits, not for a number on the scale. Today Fritzy comes home and he will be sure to want to work out with me. We are going to stop at Dollar General on our way home and I am thinking about getting some new resistance bands.

I do think there will always be obstacles and there will always be setbacks and what matters is that we just keep moving forward. I had a few days where I just wasn't myself, but that happens from time to time when you have bipolar I disorder and borderline personality disorder so there's nothing to be done for it. I am just glad that I know I can get right back on track again and keep going.

I'll keep this short for now and post more later, but just for now want to say that I am back on track and feeling good again and hope everyone else is doing great, too, and reaching all their goals! Keep Sparking! emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • IDICEM
    Glad to see your blog again and that you are feeling better. Everyone has bumps in the road. I'm impressed at how you pick back up, reset your goals, and continue. Exactly how we should all recommit.
    emoticon
    914 days ago
  • FRABBIT
    Glad to hear you are feeling better. Hope you had an awesome weekend with your son!
    916 days ago
  • KAYDE53
    Sorry you had a rough week. Hopefully next week will be better. Even with treated depression, I can have days in which I don’t like myself too. Enjoy your weekend and start fresh next week. emoticon
    919 days ago
  • KATTHOMAS2
    I am so glad to see you blogging again. I was concerned when I didn't read a post from you. Sorry to hear that you've been dealing with both depression and pain & glad to know that you are getting back on track. It will be good to have Fritzy home for the weekend. Enjoy your team workouts with him! Proud of you both!
    920 days ago
  • 1CRAZYDOG
    Glad you are feeling better. It's hard once depression has you in it's grips.

    Have a fantastic weekend w/Fritzy. I KNOW you will.
    920 days ago
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