Saturday, February 09, 2019
I do not like mirrors. I avoid them. I do have a couple of full length mirrors in my house. I just hide my eyes and don't look as I pass by them. I don't want to look. In fact mirrors are so adversarial to my life and being, I would love if I didn't have to look at one even to wash my face.
Today, I did something different. I was brushing my straggly hair and wanted to see it from the back. It is thin, but very long. I just like long hair. I walked into my hallway, held up a mirror to see the reflection behind me. I didn't react at first. Seconds later, I was so horrified. I have been "chubby" all my life. NOW. I am fat. I am really fat. I am very fat. I am fat fat! The weird thing is I have known this for quite a while. I can tell I am far too heavy because I can't do what I have done in the past with ease. I breath too hard. I have aches. I feel far too heavy. Not looking in any mirrors helped be to ignore and forget the reality.
Today, I got a good look. I can't even believe it. I look like SpongeBob Square pants! I am a chunky, hunky torso trying to balance on short little legs. Maybe this revelation will get me to the point of understanding: Enough is Enough! I have my heart and spirit in the right place. I just need to get my actions to align.