A Hissy Fit
Sunday, February 09, 2020
On Thursday I weighed a pretty good number, maintaining my lowest weight thus far. Friday, I stepped on the scale and GROANED. It read 4 lbs heavier!! For NO REASON.. I stepped on and off of it several times. Yep, it was persistent.
I confess, everything i know about the normal fluctuations in weight, went flying right out the window. I felt like quitting.
I went to talk to Beth (INDYGIRL) and left a terrible freakout message on her FB page. Judiciously, she did not reply.
Yesterday I weighed two pounds less. Ok. heading in the right direction.
Today I was back to the lower weight I began with. So yeah. Likely a fluid fluctuation. If I had been body weight, it would have taken a lot lower to get back to normal.
I embarrassed myself.
I don't know why this journey is so emotional! I know it's because of perfectionistic tendencies, ego, self worth (or lack of), Misplaced self worth (when tied to a number on a scale rather than on any quality I have as a person and a creation of God) and just plain impatience. OK Well I guess I DO have some ideas as to why the emotion. So what to do about all of this?
FIRST: bring it to God in prayer and look for his response in the Scriptures. God understands my inner workings and weaknesses far better than any person and he is not repulsed or scared off by them.
Second: Work on these items with Beth. Being with a coach (after zillions of years in therapy) is feeling a little foreign to me now. I haven't had a session with a counselor or therapist for about 12 years...and I think I've forgotten how. In our last two meetings, there were long silences as I didn't know what to say. This---THIS is the stuff we ought to be talking about.
Third: Journal. do a little digging around in my brain and see what develops. I've always written more easily than I speak. So use that to your advantage!!!
I'm back on track. The scale and I are copacetic now again. NEXT time maybe I'll do less freaking out and more trusting. Trusting Beth. Trusting my better judgement. Trusting my commitment to this journey and MOST OF ALL, trusting God.