A Step Back For A Closer Look
Friday, February 21, 2020
I have come to the conclusion that I need to forget that last week I was at 191 lb and that I have regained 4 lbs since then. I took stock of from whence I have come and where I am now. Here are some stats:
So far my total weight loss is 41 lb. Since Nov 1st I have lost 18 lb and that is roughly a 6 lb loss per month. When I get to 50 lbs lost I will be 186.
These are the facts of my victory, not my failure. I am not done. I am not finished. i am not a failure. Losing 9 more pounds is not impossible. My body is not my enemy. It is a friend that needs to be rescued....it will cooperate because it is to its benefit. It does not want to carry around this weight.
I just wish i knew HOW. Is 1200 calories a day too much?? Or too little?? I really don't know. I have studied my records. I have looked at all of my weights as they correspond to the calories I ingested and honestly? sometimes at 1200 calories I have lost and have also gained. There are no clear patterns. Sometimes, after a week of eating 1400-1500 calories, I
have LOST weight. There is no sense . There is no rationale. It does not feel at all like a science. It does not seem to follow any formula. A doctor told me yesterday that my body is "an enigma wrapped in a mystery." He doesn't know how right he is.
So, if this is the case, how did I lose these 18 lb? I aimed for 1200 calories and paid attention to the nutrient ratios and tried to manipulate them to the percentages I desired. I struggled to eat enough fat. I cut way back on my carbs but still ate whole grain carbs. I drank protein shakes. For a while I used my Bento box for my overnight eating. (and I intend to do that again. Night times are way out of control).
I guess that is what I need to do again. I've been slogging along in this morass of numbers...no real goals. Contradictory goals. Eating what I want to eat and letting the numbers fall where they land. Feeling lost and confused and like I'm trying to scale an impossible mountain, hindered by this body of mine.
I will go back to what was working.