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CARRILU
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Shimmery Things

Tuesday, November 03, 2020

We have a wedding coming up in two weeks, our oldest. It's a covid wedding so toned down lots but I am determined to keep the formality they deserve on their big day. I didn't lose weight for the event like I had planned when they became engaged last year and quite honestly I feel frumpy.
I recently ordered some lace shoes that were flats (comfortable) and when they came they were too small and um not as cute on me. I quickly ordered another pair that had a small heel because now we're down to crunch time. They came today and they are lovely. I was on zoom when I tried them on and then I sent a playful pic to my husband of my shoes and he came into the room to tell me how beautiful they are. I have over eaten today and it was a rough morning all around but these shoes that have a sparkly strap sparked something in me, and somewhere deep deep down inside of me I remembered how it felt to feel pretty and wear nice things and not worry about hip pain and back pain and how embarrassed I would be if I couldn't walk in heels anymore. I turned my camera off on zoom and put them both on and just enjoyed them. THEN, I logged on here and tracked all of it and decided I'm actually too full for dinner (and way over anyway) and that maybe, just maybe, that sparkly girl still exists, You know, the one who likes to dress up and wear shiny things?
I have been doing a plant- based thing since the summer for joint pain and honestly, I'm still hurting. The problem for me with doing any "thing" is that there always exists an "on" or "off" . Whether keto or plant based, gluten-free or sugar -free or fat-free or whatever if there is any way to violate the rules, I will and then I will "start over". I feel like I disappoint the amazing men and women who passionately write the books, plead to me on Youtube, and have even coached me personally, that if I would ONLY follow this plan, I'll have relief...they did. I know that ridiculous but I do get privately ashamed with strangers I have never met or spoken to. Today, when I reached for that amazing cookie knowing I had a day planned on SP already and was straying, a funny thought came to my head like, "huh, this is my decision and I am not disappointing anyone but myself". It was quite a relief. I remember what that used to feel like it was empowering. I super appreciate all of the WW leaders, friends who have succeeded on Whole 30, etc, etc...but by owning it today, I was able to log on and track and make a decision about how I would finish the evening because I've broken no rules and I used to be my best accountability partner, it was my ass in the jeans! More to it, nothing I've ever read and no documentary has provoked that inner stirring in me that I felt when I was able to walk in these shiny, sexy shoes. I know just what to do, I've broken no rules, I am over calories but in control. You are too.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • POLSKARENIA
    Keep looking for that sparkle!
    226 days ago
  • BOBCATGIRL76
    Awesome blog. And you are so right. I too used to be my best accountability partner and I need to start keeping myself in check. I want to find my spark again too. Thanks for reminding me.
    251 days ago
  • BUTTONPOPPER1
    Oh man--what a great blog, CARRILU! I hope this gets featured, because it is so vivid and inspiring to me. I've felt the feelings you describe here, the hope, disappointment, shame--and the joy of those fleeting moments when you know what it is that really makes you shine! (So far fleeting, but I think we can train ourselves to keep this vision alive.) Your husband telling you your shoes are beautiful--what a gift, a reminder of how it's actually you who he thinks is beautiful.

    I'm motivated by clothes, accessories, shoes, and all that girly stuff, too! Some might say I'm too materialistic, but we--and the world--after all, are made of material, and all these things, many of them works of art, can be joyful expressions of our inner selves. Your new sparkly shoes fall into that category!

    I hope you have a wonderful time at your oldest's wedding, and that both your outer and inner beauty dazzle everyone you meet there! Have a wonderful time, and give us a report later!
    emoticon
    256 days ago
  • BETHGILLIGAN
    You are a sparkly girl and deserve to feel great. I’m similar to you in that if someone counsels me what to eat or when to exercise I go rebel with an attitude of “oh, yeah? Just watch me eat all of this and not exercise!” At some late last spring I had the same epiphany; hey, nobody really cares if i’m fat and out of shape except me. After all these years of not losing and slowly gaining, I wanted to look and feel better for me! I have lost about 16 pounds on weight Watchers. It’s been agonizingly slow but i’m doing it! I feel better, look better and have less joint/back pain.
    Not many of my friends have mentioned seeing a difference and,although my pants are loose i’m not ready to go down a size. I did, however, have to remove a link from my Fitbit wristband! So, there’s that!😂 i’ll Just have to wear short sleeves all winter!
    260 days ago
  • BROOKLYN_BORN
    So many great nuggets of truth and hope in this blog.

    Enjoy your "sparkly things"

    At my age (73) with difficult feet since childhood, my "dress shoes" are now a pair of black sneakers - lots of support and they accommodate my industrial strength orthotics
    BUT
    I carry a sparkly gold pair with a small heel for special events (pre covid ones). I put them on when I get out of the car and take them off when the event is over.

    For a little while I am my old young self.
    261 days ago
  • no profile photo INCH_BY_INCH
    emoticon emoticon
    262 days ago
  • ELSCO55
    Congratulations on the wedding and glad you have the sparkly shoes
    262 days ago
  • no profile photo CD25334131

    I remember that day where I first realized that it was my life, that no one was controlling what I ate but me, and that the only person who will have success or consequences for MY actions regarding my food, is me.
    It was scary, and also very freeing. It became about how I felt, how determined I was from day to day, and what I felt about "a treat" and whether the treat was "worth it".

    It became all about me in the very best of ways. Because it took every iota of resentment out of the weight loss process. I had no one to spite anymore. It was no longer my "screw you" to those who had an issue with my weight. It was MY weight!

    Enjoy your beautiful,shiny, sexy shoes. Let them remind you of your beauty, your shine, and your sex appeal. You're a beautiful woman. Enjoy the wedding! (I want to see photos LOL)
    262 days ago
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