Hello my lovely sparklers!
All is well in 'Bobbi world' these days.
Now that is saying a LOT! Because over the past years I've really been put through the wringer. You'd have to go back and check out some of my many blogs that I used as a sort of 'write therapy'.
I blogged through soooo much heartbreak and pain of the loss of my two most prized possessions in this world. First my amazing and wonderful only child, our son who we lost at the tender age of 22...just days away from his 23rd birthday back in 2006.
I joined sparkpeople in 2009 and my blogs then were so pain filled and so sad you would have thought Josh had just passed. That just goes to show the unnatural and totally surreal state of losing a child.
It affects you just as severely 3 years later as it did the day it happened. Actually the pain is still significant. Especially on Mother's Day and Josh's birthday which will be here on 5/31. He would be turning 38 this year. I ALWAYS try to picture what he would be doing with his life if he were still here. Would he be a big movie director as he wanted to be? Would his momma walk down the red carpet with him to be his guest as he won a big reward?
Would he be a famous writer..which was one of his most serious and amazing gifts? That boy could write the pants of his momma and I think I'm a pretty good one if I do say so myself..ha ha!
Losing his dad, my beloved hubby and biz partner in 2019 was almost the final nail in the coffin.
I just couldn't function. I felt destroyed. I cursed the heavens for making me suffer so much pain!
Why did I have to be left completely alone in this world. An orphan... completely...alone by the terminology. I had no one..no parents, no sisters, no brothers, no one at all to help me navigate in the sadness of the situation.
There truly was a period I just wanted to fade away and disappear. I was killing myself with shoving crap food down my gullet. I wasn't sleeping well. I was drinking up to 3 glasses of wine a night..sitting in my chair feeling sorry for myself.
How pathetic! I knew I wasn't the only one to suffer from loss. I knew I wasn't the only one in this world to hold the corner on pain...but it didn't matter. I sulked and sobbed and felt so very sorry for myself in spite of that knowledge.
Then one night I just changed! I realized that if I got sick I'd be on my own. No one would be there to nurse me back to health.
Of course I am SO LUCKY that I have many and amazing friends! Some of my closest 'sista friends' I've known for 33 years!
I had quite the heart to heart pep talk with myself that certain night last August and my whole outlook on life miraculously changed!
I decided to stop focusing on the doom and gloom in my world and start looking for the blessings. We ALL have so many, many blessings if we are only willing to acknowledge and appreciate them.
I started keeping a gratitude journal and some days I might only have one entry. "I made it through another day!" BUT that in and of itself was a blessing.
I made a vision board of what I wanted to bring into my life. I put it in the bathroom near the mirror where I brush my teeth and I really soaked up the things I wanted IN my life every single day.
Guess what? Thoughts ARE things!
What you focus on the universe gives you. It doesn't care if your focus is good or bad...it acts to bring those thoughts right to your doorstep!
I'm urging you...change your focus, change your world!
I've met a beautiful new widower man who is everything I could have ever hoped for as a new partner. He is kind, super smart, loyal, compassionate, considerate, and loving.
I truly think I prayed SO hard for this type of individual that my angels Don (my husband) and my son Josh brought him into my world.
I mean WHAT are the chances at our ages that we would find each other in this huge massive world and be so happy together. The amazing Michael is 72 and I'm 69.
If you saw us together...you'd think we are teenagers. Yes...we are super duper nerdy goofy in LUV!
Never say never to miracles happening. THEY DO! BUT...you have to believe in them and you have to put yourself out there to find them.
As for the weight problem...it's another miracle! I'm 63 pounds down. I'm thinking another 10 lbs would put me back into my beloved size 8-10 pants and what a MIRACLE that would be!
But...I'm totally and completely happy with my progress so far. I only allow myself to look forward now. The past is over and done with and frankly so painful I'd just as soon forget it.
We do ourselves no favors living in the past. All we really have is this moment in time.
Make it count my friends...DO MAKE IT COUNT!
My amazing Mr. Michael and I over in Ft. Lauderdale on a little road trip to pick up some paintings he had commissioned at our Bonita Art Fest. We had a fantastic meal at the beautiful restaurant called Sea Watch right on the gulf of Mexico. My heart sings with the happiness this man has brought into my world!