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Saturday, September 22, 2007

This picture was made early in this journey. I weighed about 225. I thought I looked good but the truth is I looked like the goodyear blimp in color. I am not angry about it. It is about perception.

I was finally headed in the right direction on this particular segment of the journey. I was making progress. Now I am stalled again and I feel frustrated.

Like some of the women that I have met here, I don't like the hanging skin on my body especially around my gut. I keep telling myself that if I loose all the weight and hang on a year, I can have surgery. Yet that does not sound like what I want either. NOT one thing seems to be quite right.

From past experience I know that for me personally, I have to find what is bugging me. Why I seem to be intent on self sabotage? I then have to deal with it. I can't change what I refuse to see. I will in some form post those questions and answers here. I may not be as candid as some would like but I will share what is comfortable for me to share.

The journey continues.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I am still working on the issues of depression but I know that quitting is not an option. My mini goal for this week is to spend 15 minutes every day just being still. I am not going to try to control where my brain goes just yet but am going to sit and still my body.

    I am going to write my sort of mini menus. They are not exactly what I will eat but they will give me an anchor to look at to plan my day. I need to grocery shop and I have to wait until the end of the week to buy groceries.

    I am going to try to walk everyday for at least 15 minutes and I am going to journal everyday.

    I will get to my goals. Slowly, I wish steadily, but I am going to get there.

    I need a different color than blue.
    5018 days ago
    Oh, well I lost one comment because I hit the wrong button. Bah humbug,

    I have been writing to keep myself moving for all my life. I realized that I am dealing with an old demon that reared his head yet again. Depression is a strange problem. It has many faces and can kill your very soul if you let it. Some people need meds because it is a chemical imbalance and if that is your issue get the help you need.

    Mine is simply the way my brain appears to be wired. I don't think it was always this way but long enough for me to not know who I would be if I didn't occasionally need to stop and look and listen and re evaluate what is going on.

    This time part of the reason I was having trouble getting back on track was depression. It was not the grief, crying, and woe is me kind of depression but this time it was it doesn't matter kind of depression. I could not put my finger on it but I have now. No it is not the only thing going on but it is the one that will eventually ruin everything for me if I sit and do nothing.

    Just recognizing it has made me feel more positive. Tomorrow, I will be even better. I am beginning to get a plan of attack together. I will post some of it later. Have a great week everyone.
    5018 days ago
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