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ive never felt this way before

Sunday, January 27, 2008

i was never much of a dancer or club goer... i remember before forcing myself to go to someone's party or out with the girls i would agonize over what i was wearing, how i looked, if my "chicho" aka muffin top was showing... having to go anywhere that i might see people i knew left me full of anxiety and frustration, hours of trying on everything in the closet to feel fat even in my one fave outfit... it was even worse when i knew i'd have to meet people for the first time...

Tonight was a brand new experience... my best friend of over 10 yrs was celebrating her bday at a club near my old stomping grounds... around eight i was doing the closet thing this time i couldnt find anything decent not because the clothes were too tight but because i dont really have much of a dress up wardrobe... i pulled something out my sis gave me an eternity ago (i love weight loss hand me downs) nothing racy just less coverage than im used to, thin straps corset like... anywho... i was trying diff things on when my dude comes home and does the typical hey show time!.. at first my old mentality kicked in, i was uncomfortable with him watching me change a thousand times told him he was distracting me, i even asked him if my arms looked fat, to which he looked at me with surprise (he's known me BIG N SMALL) shook his head and said "NO! you have to wear this its hot!"

i swear i dont know where she goes and i only realize she's left when she returns... and then i have to remind myself that im no longer that person anymore! sometimes it seems i'll look in the mirror and not see what i've accomplished but the silly things that i cant change, thats one of those old characteristics of the heavy lisette!

lets get to the point
the club is super close to the town i grew up in soo much so that as i walked up to the end of the line to get in i noticed an ex boyfriend from jr high, right away i said hey and he looked at me and was like "hey omg i didnt even recognize you!" first feel good moment....when i finally got into the place it was like hs reunion, i even saw 2 other girls i went to grade school with... one of my closest hs friends first statement to me was "damn girl you look like a little kid!" when Dora, the bday girl, introduced me to some of her sisters friends who also went to hs with us they were like "yea i remember you omg what did you do!" my fave was laura who just looked at me and said "i have to know how you did this i wanna look just like u..."

i swear i got goose bumps no one i actually know has EVER said that to me! all these people remember the old lisette, who before getting to the club i was feeling a little bit like, and here they were reminding me that im not her! it felt incredible... i'll remember that every time i harp on something i cannot change not just body wise but every thing! i can no longer be the person that picks apart at herself especially when others are viewing me with high regard i NEED to truly see my new self from now on in the same light!
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  • HUNNY133
    That is awesome! I do the same thing, I'm afraid to go to clubs cause I will be too big to fit in. I want to be like you!
    4753 days ago
    Look at you!!! I know that moment plays over and over in your mind all the time...LOL!! You've done an AWESOME job--you look stunning! A BIIIIIGGGG hug to your Mom for pushing you. She knew you had it in you all along! This is a great post. Congratulations to you. Here's to taking it off and keeping it off!! (And I LOVE the artwork on your page!!)

    Sharanda :o)
    4811 days ago
    4821 days ago
    awwww that almost made me cry....AWESOME!!!!
    4830 days ago
    Hey I just wanted to tell you congratulations on all your weight loss. I was reading your story and all of a sudden my eyes just started welling up. And within seconds, I had tears running down my face. I can relate to your "before symptoms". I am the same way. I am always worried about not letting people see my "fat". I am always wearing bigger clothes. I know that is not the best idea but it makes me feel comfortable. I hope to one day have a similar success story like you. I can't wait for the day for someone to tell me to tell them my secrets. I am so happy for you. Congratulations again.

    4839 days ago
    All I gotts to say is you go girl!! I love your story. Continue to stay grounded in your positive outlook in everything. You look simply DIVA! Stay motivated and Gett'em BOO!! ONELOVE ~ Taumaia
    4841 days ago
    I congradulate you!! You are beautiful and look so happy. You deserve all of the new and wonderful things you encounter!
    Very inspiring!!
    4846 days ago
  • HOTMAMA2009
    This is amazing - how great for you to feel that way !!!
    You are so beautiful - coming from someone who saw both pictures of you - - you have come so far, you DESERVE to wear the cute little dresses!
    4854 days ago
    What a wonderful reaffirming experience for you, Lisette! I'm so glad that you ran into so many of your old friends, who no doubt were blown away by your transformation! If they were able to recognize you it's only because they remembered your affectionate and awesome personality, not because you look anything at all like the girl in high school. This is music to my ears! Take this like an injection into your psyche and tap into it anytime the doubts and insecurities rear their nasty heads... YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN... These days, on the OUTSIDE as well as on the INSIDE...
    4855 days ago
    that is sooo awesome. i can't wait for that kind of day to happen to me!! you totally deserved it too =D
    4855 days ago
    Oh wow that must've made you feel just incredible to have all those compliments!
    4855 days ago
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